Hey reader. I meant to come back again last night I think but I got caught up in sleeping and connecting with the kidlets. My coworker and his gf were worried about me because I was honest. I'm not suicidal, at least not intentionally. But I also don't care if I die. I'm not taking care of myself really, because I don't care. I care about my kids but I feel just... Like a vessel. And I don't care about the vessel failing.
I'm stuck in frozen. I'm stuck in stasis. I know it won't last forever but ... Yeah.
I have really good days where I remember to eat green things and not drink energy drinks nonstop. Where I don't have to over medicate to make it through the day. And days where aspirin is the only thing saving me.
It's ok reader. I'm not looking for sympathy, just telling the truth.
Some days it doesn't feel real.
Some nights I stay awake and search the ceiling fan for closure.
I actually ate food this morning because my stomach hurt and growled loud enough to interrupt what I was watching. LMFAO.
It's alright reader.
I'm going to try to nap before work but if it's like yesterday I'll be awake til then. Bah
Always
S
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