Ahh suspense

 

Reader I am jittery with excitement. Just wait. Lol

The Silence

 

Hey reader, I've been up since 445. Whyyyyy can't I sleep through the night? Not a dark night of the soul again. Talked with brother yesterday. He helped refund the hotel stays I lost money on, plus some. It'll help to make sure I get through the next few months. I'm rough right now but not crying, not yet. 

I hope she pisses herself and has shame. Dammit. 

Anyway. I've got to somehow get rid of the stone that lives in my chest. I know it will go away soon enough, just not right now. Maybe it's there to teach me a lesson. Right? Right. So I just live with the stone until I can be whole again. 

I know what the stone represents, reader. I don't need to be told. I just don't want it anymore. I know it will go away. And I can find a peaceful life to carve out. My eldest is out of town for friends, he needed that. Everything is ok. 

My ears just popped wth. 

In my grief I stay, alone but not lonely. In the solitude of twilight. Lol sparkly vampire. Anyway. I need to focus on work and getting through this thing for now. I don't know what I would do with another human to take care of. Bahaahha. 

The thought cracks me up. 

Suzes rescue home for wayward humans

Always

S

23

 

Hey reader. My son gave me the best way to describe how I felt yesterday. Number 23. Like the movie Number 23. Where if you think there's a connection, it will feel like there's a connection. Don't worry reader, there isn't. 

The coin man from him yesterday was a farmer I know. The guy looking for me was the man I helped. Everything is eventual but not this. 

My sons psychotic ex, her brother is working on my house. No lie, I loled. He's a good kid. 

Anyway. Life goes on. Family can go suck eggs. 

Always.

S

Egg

 

I stg reader. I should have thought on it harder. I know who came looking for me because it's the only dark haired guy who has a beard! 

So a few days back I had a customer who never comes in anymore. He had left his wallet at home-found out at the register- and then was rung up before I figured it out. I just figured it out when I woke up this morning. 

Delulu a little? Absolutely. Anyway I covered the dude because of course I did. And he must have come back to pay me. He almost never comes in so I didn't think of him. Am I absolutely nuts? Yep. 

Yesterday was a shit show. I'm just happy to have got home in one piece after how much I was shaking. Whew. Don't know if Dad will make it but that's ok. I can't go see him and she won't back down from being an absolute cunt. 

Meh. Two immovable pieces. 

Now cringing hard from messaging Wolfen. Fuckkkkk and I can't apologize either. I just need to leave it be. It's ok.

Always

S

Everything everywhere. All at once.

 Hey reader. Tonight I am both exhilarated and disheartened. 

My father has been on life support for 6 weeks. Found out today via call from my brother. 

And someone tried to find me. Which scares me a lil bit, not going to lie. 

On one hand, it could just be Rick (old guy who smokes weed and looks like a certifiable hippy) on the other hand, it could be Wolfen. Which is inevitably not right because of reasons I can't get into. Wait. Ok so maybe this has 3 hands. It could be a person who just happens to know where I work. Fuck. 

I'm so confused 

Always 

S

Mondays Amirite

 

Hey reader. 

My mortgage went up 400$ lol. I am a lil scared but I know things will get better. They always get worse before they get better so this is just temporary.

I have an agent finding cheaper insurance so that's good. That's the part that went up, to 6k a year for insurance. Bah. Weirdos. 

It's all good though. 

Everything is eventual. 

I'm off next two days so that will be nice. I get to rest. Rest is important. 

Haven't called frenchy back cause I don't really want to. I think being alone right now is ok... 

I gotta clean house though because I have people coming tomorrow morning to replace my cabinets and part of the floor. Yay. Cabinets y'all. 

Anyway. Much love. 

Always

S

Ain't it fun

 

Hello reader. Fun times. 

There's a carbon monoxide leak in my house. Explains a lot. I'm good. 

I think... I think I'm going to stop blogging again. I have people to talk to and this kind of just stands in the way a bit. I feel obligated to write everyday. Just because I want to have record of my brain. 

Don't need records anymore. 

I may write my book anyway. 

I'm just a bit down. And I want to just stop.

Quiet quiet 

S