I'm still building it

 https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlgTUeuQcBrRyfVKQjoqRq501AVM_iMzg&si=ZuoADtAUG_pvemi3

But it's coming out pretty good. Everytime I feel like slipping, I add a song. Ffs. 

One sticks with me. Maybe two. 3. There's one I just found out about, Citizen Soldier? Fucking heart wrenching for me but did the job. Then SkyDxddy Hold me, fuck. As a woman singing it helped tremendously. And then of alllllll the songs in the world, Montero by Lil Nas X. I still don't know why. 

I get weepy, I turn on the playlist! Building it like walls, foundation. 

Truly, it helps. So in my self made prison, there's good music, there's cheese sticks, and nothing red. 

Lol I'm allergic to red 40. 

Almost all fruit flavored candies have it. Although Black Forest gummies don't so that's nice. Also albanese gummies, they are free of it. 

I like thinking about anything else. 

Cause I don't need the pain. I got enough for a lifetime.

The phone works both ways, I'm just saying this aloud because Izzard said to not reach out but have hope. Lmfao 

Fuck, hope seems like an ocean away, baby. 

I'm high. Maybe more so than I planned. 

Sick to my stomach again but was able to eat.

I told her that not reaching out is my super power and my greatest weakness. Both.

Because no man is an island. But we are. Fuck. 

We're insulated to ourselves and what we need what we miss what we want. 

Fuck. All the fuck. 

S