Yes

 

Hey reader. It's 1:32 AM on a Tuesday and I am hurting. I could go pop more pills but instead I am lying in the pain. It reminds me I am still here. 

It was a rough day at work. I'd had nightmares today and somehow the massive rush of people made me remember parts. 

Going back to the hospital room. And the pain in my chest I felt. Like being kicked straight in the solar plexus. Fuck. I thought I was having a heart attack. It hurt so bad. 

And the anger at my family. 

And the loss. Just fuck. 

Anyway. I was told something is coming and it's important. Do I know what's coming? Absolutely not. 

Am I afraid it may be bad? Well duh. 

But I am open to whatever the universe gives me. I am capable of adapting to what the universe wants. Drake is waiting as an energy ball somewhere in the universe and some day I will join him. 

Will I remarry? My hand said so. Err rather the palm reader said so. Dunno when. I'm not sitting on my hands either. 

I figured I am going to be monogamous for whomever comes next. I have done the poly thing for so long and I don't think I have enough left for more than one person. 

I really don't. 

I don't know when I will be healed. I don't know ... I don't have the answers anyway. 

Do I dream of fantastical beasts and wizards who come and rescue me? Sure. But the truth is. 

While I bring quite a bit to the table, I still feel like shrek. 

I mean. Shrek is pretty fucking cool but man... I am 42. 

Always

S