Sober

 

Hey reader. So I've been completely sober for a month and change. Hey, it beats every night having to take an edible right?

Eldest has to make a decision that is between a shitty job that pays minimum wage or a full time job that pays hella good. 

Thing is he loves the people he works with and doesn't know if they will work with his schedule at all. 

I had a bunch of nightmares this morning when I woke up but... Thankfully they disappeared as I woke fully. I know they scared me but it buffs out. 

Been using old phrases a lot lately. No other setting on the washing machine, it'll buff out. Everything and then some. Eldest just went to the house to try and calm down with gaming on his dads comp. I feel for him. Normally I got to write or dance or scream. Tonight I'm just in pain. 

The tears won't come. Which is nice but it makes people think I am fucked up. Which I get. They're wrong, I just pushed everything into a hole until it comes back out in therapy. Wednesday I have therapy after eldest goes for driver's test. 

Hoping it all works out. 

Loneliness is sucky but I can deal. I have people to annoy and people who call me beautiful even when I feel like shit. 

I miss the constant of someone having my back. I miss cuddles. Fuck this sucks reader. 

I just really want to be held but I know I can't. I can't break. I'm all the kids have. 

Fml

S