Hey reader. Went to the house and did laundry. Cleaned cat boxes and filled feeders. Kitties are good now. Am I? No. However I can't be ok with bare necessities maybe. Or maybe I'm basing my happiness on something intangible.
I wasn't happy for the longest time. Between bouts of being treated like a roommate and voicing my concerns over and over to deaf ears, to realizing I spent so long just trying to feel pretty. Right now, I'm still unhappy. But I'm ok with it.
I was ok with being unhappy for years, reader. It's not a big deal. Also I kind of gave up trying to talk to dude. I don't really want to relearn a new person right now.
I can meet new people in time sure but I'd rather not do it now. Stupid? Maybe. Or maybe I'm protecting myself from whatever rejection awaits. I push things so far down so they don't hurt. I need new coping mechanisms but I also can't go through PTSD therapy again. Fear of those memories resurfacing would hurt more.
I could just stay the same. Stagnant and all that.
Probably not. I just need to know someone has me in their thoughts.
That I'm not wholly alone.
Even if I feel that way.
S
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