Hey reader. Last night I spent a good 3 hours talking to my eldest on the couch. We talked through things that bothered him while Dad was alive, and things that still bother him now. He's battling suicidal ideations just like me, but thinks letting out some of the pain would make people love him less.
I promised him I would never love him less, no matter what he says. He admitted to lying about something but it is trivial, to be honest.
Like at this point I don't mind if he lies. I know teenagers get weird with grief. We watched RuPaul's Drag Race umm new season first episode. Him, my youngest and myself. Invited middle child to as well but she wanted to be alone with her chips.
I hope she doesn't turn to food for comfort. But I can't blame her.
Fuck. I'm a single mother of 3. And about to be 42. What do I do? Like. I've never had to think about this. I don't want to try and meet people at all. I think grief and time. Maybe later I'll get back out but for now I'm just gonna be mom.
S
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