Honor

 

Hey reader. Today is the funeral. I have a speech prepared and I am not wholly sure I'll be able to read it to be honest. 

I break down easily now and I don't want to give the relatives satisfaction of seeing me crying. Reason why I said it that way is because some relatives on both sides, were assholes to him and myself. 

Letting them see me crying for him just feels icky. I don't want to cry today but I know I will. 

Just wish I could skip or fast forward. Yeah I know, won't work. Gotta put in the work to be ok. 

Youngest and myself both have therapy on Monday. Not together but yeah. Wish me luck.

Anyway. That's all there is. Right now it's funeral and grieving time. Performative for some of them because they never had a good thing to say about him. But I can't ban people from a funeral just because they're assholes right?

Who knows. Maybe I will find they're not as evil as they appear 

S