Itch the scratch

 

Don't know if I picked the right song or not reader, I'm too wound to listen all the way. It's all good. 

I will sit with those feelings. Bastian is coming on Friday/Saturday with Kesari to visit. I said I'd visit. 

I don't really allow people in my house anymore minus Andrew cause he's like my son. He's 22 and derpy and has helped me realize things about myself. Without like trying to anyway. Ugh. I don't like talking about my brain. 

Sometimes I have to. 

Something snapped in me and I broke down. I won't again because there's no point. I will gather these pieces and remake myself in a new light. 

I know, I know why certain things go the way they do in my head. Maybe a little stunted, maybe a little trauma. Nothing I want to talk about. I had to cancel my therapy appointment recently because I had woke up that morning and was in so much pain I couldn't see straight. Like nauseous levels of pain. If you've never had a migraine, I feel happy for you. They blow chunks. 

Also Andrew compared my ass to me smuggling two watermelons from the grocery store. I told him they would have to be some strange shaped watermelons. And ... Probably rotten cause jiggle jiggle. He laughed his butt off and then went to go make ramen. 

Fucken weirdo. 

Currently taking a supplement that may give me cancer. And before you ask, no I didn't know it would before I bought it you dolt. I looked more into it later and discovered- 6 weeks into taking it. Kinda late now. Just gonna keep taking it cause atp I don't really have a whole lot of care about me. 

Also lol. Related. My insurance goes out the end of this year and I can't afford to get it redone. Lmao. Go me. Here's to another 20 years of winging it. 

I slept maybe an hour last night because of, stuff. So now I'm drowning in coffee and bad ideas. Hope this Thursday turns out better than yesterday. Yesterday wasn't necessarily bad but it wasn't good by any means. 

Oh and 

I should be starting back at work next week or maybe the following, we're not rushing, I just kind of miss being needed. 

I have to ask off for Spring War and the Kings visit in 2 weeks ugh. That will be fun. Actually Spring War is pretty fucking amazing and Andrew gets to come for the first time ever! Huzzah. Gotta get him garb though. 

Yeah, I'm a nerd. Gfys 😊🫰

Anyway

I'll drown in my sea of sorrow before I let anyone come through these walls

S