Hey reader. I made a bizarre conglomeration of food tonight and it really hit the spot. It was fucking weird but damn, like stick to your ribs good.
Tomorrow I have 2 pork butt roasts to cut up and roast. Going to make it chunk style and Char Siu. I can barely wait. They're already marinating in the fridge and I'm just all fuzzy thinking about it.
My cat, Burrito Mix, is curled up in the small of my back. She's missing a lot of teeth because she was in kitty fight club on the streets but now- she's a home cat.
I think I am going to be ok. Good. Great. Happy. Cause I can make things and make new memories. It wasn't that I wanted to run away and such but I had been hurt so bad, I couldn't feel back then. And I thought he would have a better chance with someone closer. Yeah. Am I wrong for that, maybe. Well, yes. Probably cause I took the option of choosing from him but I wanted to get it off my chest.
I'm good though.
I'm able to identify limerence, love, caring, and distaste. Sometimes even fear.
That dude who was ... Anyway. I'd apologize to them too. But I don't contact them or anything of that nature. They more than likely got the wrong idea and because of my strangling mental insecurity, I don't make it easier.
I'm going to be ok.
I'm going to grant myself the same grace I granted so many others in the past.
I cannot change some things, and I can change others. Gotta have the serenity to accept it and shit. Lol the AA prayer. But it never was me. Yes I was an alcoholic at one point but I never needed serenity. Well, at least I didn't think I did.
Anyway. Diary of a tired woman. Diary of a phoenix, bathing in her ashes. Diary of a madwoman. Doesn't have the same ring huh
As always
S
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