Moth

It’s over, altogether over. The pain in my chest will only serve to remind me
I deleted Instagram, deleted games I’d installed to play with her.
Deleted it so my phone is literally just a phone now. Almost to the point
Of deleting all social media as well but I don’t want to lose baby photos
She doesn’t want anything to do with me, at least I hope.
I broke again last night because I’d talked myself into believing love wins

Remember the posts from Griffin reader? Love doesn’t win.

Dreamed I went out of town and found a potion to be unfeeling again.
It was pink and from a distance could have been Hypnotik but only bubblegum pink

In the dream it worked until I saw her again. Probably a good thing she
Didn’t respond last night. Only more pain no actual good can come of it

She’s battling her own demons and if time is a reminder then... she will
Have a long battle.

I’m writing on my phone so I can be away from people right now. They only tend to complicate things and I already have enough complications.

I’d made a plan, to actually end it all. Patrick says suicide will only transfer from me to others but

I need a failsafe.
If when the pain gets so much I don’t have any other options.
For when I find I’m crazy.
When I’m alone again and I have no one.

Those are the dark times.
The times I wilt and grasp for comfort and

Knowing her like I do she will push me away and I’ll judt stop.


I want the pain to end. I’m holding it together by the fine hairs of my arm

But I need it to stop.

I think I love her more than I loved anyone else. Which saddens me to no end
Because I can’t.

Sooner or later I’ll push everyone out
And it’ll make it easier for the end I think.

Of all the things my mother did to hurt me, she taught me how to die.