Dammit

 

Hey reader. Fuck. I still have around 4.5 hours to go til I'm off and I feel like straight ass. I'm hurting both physically and mentally and I just need a break. Technically I'm on break but like. I need a break from life. 

Am I doomed to repeat my mistakes?

Idk. 

I would hope not. Time keeps ticking down and I need to figure out what I want. 

I can't trust women since the redhead. There's like one dude I care about but they hate me, and I don't have the spoons or brain to do anything else at this point. 

Sick to my stomach because I ate a salad and I think the meat was off. But I digress. 

Do I put myself back out there reader? I am gainfully employed. I have my own house and two vehicles. 

I bring a lot to the table sort of. 

Sort of because I am a wreck most days. 

I don't break down because I've shoved the trauma so far down it's hiding. 

But I doomscroll to let my brain stop thinking. 

Also. I have dentures. Makes me smile better but when I'm home I turn into Grandma bahahaha.

I shower. Take care of kids and doomscroll. I don't know if that's enough. 

Probably not but it will do. 

I'm not putting myself out there yet. I don't want to. I just know when I get lonely I make dumb ass decisions. 

Oh well. 

S