Ayo

 

Hey reader. How did I not realize it was Friday the 13th!?

I'm a derp sometimes. I looked at the calendar in my car( chilling on lunch break) and I saw and nearly facepalmed. 

So today is freaky Friday and tomorrow is Valentine's. Feck. I don't have a Valentine anymore. 

To be honest, if I'm allowed to be frank, I never really had a Valentine. Generally speaking, I bought myself birthday and Christmas and Valentine's presents for the last umpteen years. It hurts to admit it but it's true. 

Gift giving and acts of service are my love language. Like as in what I do to show love. I don't know what I enjoy because it's been a minute. 

I want to be...

Shit. I think just happy. 

There's a lot of trauma to unpack and I don't think I will ever unpack it all but I know happiness is a while away. 

I wish I could pack up and move. It may happen yet.

Bastians father is about to pass and wants to continue the move. We were supposed to basically live out in nowhere and not share the address with anyone. 

There's a friend who has 55 or 65 acres just waiting. And it may wait longer. I can't sell the house and leave yet. Just. Bleh. 

Maybe time will heal. Maybe pigs fly. Lol.

My dreams are empty vast spaces now. My headspace is gone for the moment. I dunno how to fix it. 

I wish I could ...

Idk.

S