Singular

 

Hey reader. I didn't mean to post again tonight but I can't sleep and my body hurts annnnnd my brain won't stfu and let me rest. So here I am.

In the future I need to work on communication and my boundaries or at least minimums. I deserve love. I am just not ready for it. 

Had an old guy like ... Almost grandpa age? Hitting on me today. I'm still wearing my wedding ring and I just gave him the death glare. Worked. 

I just want to be happy. Loved. Not stressing every minute of every day. 

Also I had red 40 today so my brain hatessss me. Yay.

Tomorrow there is a kingdom level event tournament for Drake. He was big in Amtgard and now they're having a tournament in his honor. Of course I'll be there. Just...

I can't play. I can't meet most people's eyes because it hurts so bad in my chest but the tears won't come out. 

I'm not cold. I grieve silently. The thoughts and fears swirl in my head like the tepid water draining down a sink. 

Ffs 

I need something. I just don't know what yet.

S