It's 650 and I can't go back to sleep, too much pain yet. I came across someone I thought was Ginger and recoiled so hard I hurt myself.
She cannot and will not ever be a part of my life again. We had made a plan for 5 years in the future, but the more I remember, the more I realize it would be idiotic.
She wanted him, not me. And I don't want her at all.
I'm good on the Western front. Not using his nickname, not adding music to the playlist to let go, just living in the moment and dealing with the physical pain- which is more than I can describe.
There's staples holding my back together and every time I do anything, anything at all, it pulls and hurts like a bitch.
However, I've been getting a little bit of sleep each night, and only 1-2 dreams of him so I'm good.
Made up my mind not to entertain Griffin on things because whilst he had a chance to apologize in the past, I can't trust him with even the smallest part of me.
Good is headed to me. Good to make me happy, not temporarily.
So I'm open to goodness.
I dug out Choir Boys, got to get in a reading mood again so I can reread it for the 2Xth time. Muahahahaha you'd think I would have memorized it by now but no. Only certain parts- like making him do the chicken, dragon lady on the phone, and periscope/ eating a ham sandwich through the wrapper.
It's a helluva weird ass book. Racist in parts but not overly so, it's set in the 70s with a bunch of officers.
Ahh anyway. Just updating to say I'm alive y'all.
Hope your Sunday doesn't suck
S
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