I made it home in one piece. Roommate and son thinks I may have had heat exhaustion because of how I looked. Dude there were dots in my vision I thought I was dying.
Which is hilarious considering I wanted to die, but not like that. I don't want to die in front of my kids. Jeez. Unless it's cause I'm old and it's time. Sucks.
Anyway
I'm good. Struggling but good. I'm shoving whatever emotion I had for him so far down I won't feel it anymore. Might come up in therapy but I doubt it. Everything else I shoved down only came up because of specialized therapy. May the lack of him only illuminate my future with someone who does care for me.
Ended up telling the new dude I had to skip out on meeting l, because I am not ok enough to meet cute.
I don't even know what that means, but I really don't have it in me to start something new with new people and how do I explain everything and do you even need to explain everything when you're planning on using them for a rebound? Yeah. I don't want to
Not-ex is going to have to jump through hoops if he thinks I'm coming there.
Everyone rooting for me here, doesn't want me to go. Which makes sense.
I have this odd feeling and I don't know what it is but it's there regardless
As it was
S
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